Chatty Enthusiast Pillows

'...Hi. Just called to say I ate a bag of chips.'

'Listen! If it is a secret, don't tell me: I tend to repeat everything out loud over and over again...'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Could I ask just one question?"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

Woman on the phone.

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

Boys and Girls: Differences in Internet Surfing.

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"My wife and I handle our own finances. I'm an accountant and she's a grief counselor."

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

Attention Span Man

Big Talk/Small Talk.

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."