Conversation Critic Pillows

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Do you think that social media is dumbing-down the art of conversation?"

"...but perhaps I'm boring you."

"Is that all you can contribute to any conversation- 'Oh, come off it?"

"A MacArthur, the lecture circuit, and thou!"

"I'm sorry, you were talking about people I don't know doing things I'll never care about, blah, blah, blah. Go ahead — I'm listening."

Man talking to a woman at a dinner party

"This conversation is being performed in front of a live audience."

'I don't know which is worse... talk radio or talk wife.'

"Sure, he's statuesque, but he gets a big-fat-zero when it comes to making conversation."

"I look forward to coming here for great tasting coffee every morning... but you are talking so loud I can't even smell it!"

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Could I ask just one question?"

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

Men gossiping

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

'I said, how do you like my new communication tool?'

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

Attention Span Man