Conversation Critiquers Pillows

"...so enough about me. You're dead, aren't you?"

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Could I ask just one question?"

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

Another Turning Point in History. Oh, the heck with it -- I'll never get these antlers right. Mickey Moose.

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

Protest

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

'I said, how do you like my new communication tool?'

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

Attention Span Man

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

Big Talk/Small Talk.

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."

"Mrs. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask..."

"I owe you an apology. When you bought that muzzle, I was mad because I assumed you bought it for your dog."

Man sleeps instead of reading 'The Art of Listening.'

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

The psychiatrist.

"The last thing that I intend to do is to stand here making a display of my patriotism."