Phone Conversation Critic Pillows

Newly Proposed Phone Regulations.

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

Time management office worker

A senior moment.

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."

"This conversation is being performed in front of a live audience."

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

The psychiatrist.

People crossing the street while texting use white canes.

"Though you be a villainous scoundrel, fairness demands I inform you that's your cell."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Do you get the feeling there isn't much substance in most conversations?'

"Her ladyship isn't in—wait, yes, no—so sorry, she's out."

"May I air-quote you?"

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

'You know, sometimes I think we don't even speak the same body language.'

"Can you hold a moment? I've asked you before not to donate my organs till after I'm dead."

"Hello? I can't talk right now! I'm on a plane! What?! No! Just leave some food in her dish! What?! I can't talk!"

'I've got to go - we're having the zebras for dinner.'

'When a caller asks for me, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop saying 'who'?'

'Hi mom! How are you? I'm very well! How is dad? Hi mom...' 'Damned parrots...'

'Nice talking to you, but would you please excuse me? I need to get some air...'

'Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about me.'

"Events are unfolding very slowly."

"We are experiencing high call volume. Please do not hold."

"No, I mean literally literally!"

"Yes, Mother ... I'm still single."

"Mom! You and dad won't believe this, but right now I'm watching two flies making out on top of a can of soda!!" Dan was really lonely.