Phone Call Critic Pillows

I'm sorry, but my do-not-call list includes telemarketers, political organizations, charities and men named Fusco.

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'The King of what?'

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'It's the bank again... What I'd give for a bit of good old-fashioned heavy breathing!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

...the onion rings

"This conversation is being performed in front of a live audience."

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

People crossing the street while texting use white canes.

"Though you be a villainous scoundrel, fairness demands I inform you that's your cell."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Yes, I'm still on hold and counting the billable minutes."

"No, you hang up first. No, you!"

"Hello, Braque? Picasso here. Cubism is out."

"Hello? I can't talk right now! I'm on a plane! What?! No! Just leave some food in her dish! What?! I can't talk!"

"I miss expense accounts."

Woman on the phone while her kids cause chaos in the background.

"Thank you for holding, your prayers have advanced in the queue and will be answered by the next available deity."

"He wants to know if I'm alone."

Business executive has desk sign stating: I am in a meeting.

"Operator, get me my hair!"

Collar I.D.

Phone Calls As a Child and As an Adult

"I've been talking on this phone so much, I'm getting cauliflower ears."

Telemarketing Center: Help wanted. It's not a job - it's a calling.

'You can't put me on hold... I'm putting you on hold!'

"May I put you on hold? I was on another line."

'Still 10 minutes to go before my cheap call rate kicks in...!'

Dog Chatlines...

'I don't know which is worse... talk radio or talk wife.'

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"