Chatty Humorist Pillows

Two phones talking to one another.

Moses on the web

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

My diagnosis? Restless tongue syndrome.

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Daffodil bulbs

Crow and fox

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'Do you come here often?'

Jokes machine.

Give way - 'Oh, alright then...'

The Algonquin Round Table

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

'Vacuums!'

Bat out of Hell

A guy tries his luck at the water cooler.

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Listen, the first pterodactyl of spring."

Surreal Ale Pub.

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

Quizzo tonight! Win a tee shirt! Trivia is my middle name, but I have all the tee shirts I need. So, tell me something: Are there Quizzo groupies?

"You have a lot of unresolved anger and it's settled in your hat."