Chatroom Humorist Pillows

'Liar chatting on the internet'

Moses on the web

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

"Did you get my tweet?"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

Terry had a computer bug.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Hardware and software

Smoke and mirrors.

"She looks just like in your photos."

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

Advertising on the internet.

Twitter that!

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

'Being an opera buff, I naturally assumed she said "I'm taking you to the met"!'

Facebook For Dogs.

"Can you take a video of me attacking the garbage so I can post it on Instagram?"

In trays read: Bluff/Blink.

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

'Did you auction off our house on eBay?'

"The internet without cat pictures? No way! Make a realistic wish like peace on earth, justice for all, everlasting life, sane politicians..."

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.

"Did I miss a lot of work while I was out with the flu? No, I didn't miss it at all!"

"Just right click, save as, and now you own the complete works of William Shakespeare."

"Great, the end of the world and I'm going to be first on facebook with pictures!!"

"They don't appear to want to take over. They just want to dance."

"It's great the way that computer algorithms allow the internet to feed me with opinions that reinforce the ones I've already got - all on my phone!"

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

'It does data processing, word processing and list processing. Get me some data, some words and some lists.'

Catroom.