Chatmaster Gifts

"My dream job would be to get paid for lolling around and chatting with my friends."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

Woman on the phone.

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

Boys and Girls: Differences in Internet Surfing.

The Art of Bantering!

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

'Why am I feeling like this..?'

"When I was young, we made statements using signs and marches!"

'As a teleworker Colin sometimes struggled against feelings of isolation.'

Two workers chatting by vending machine: 'Who are you working on at the moment?'

"I actually know more commands than I respond to."

'This beer is pale and tasteless.' 'Your glass is empty.'

'With three teenage daughters the phone never rings twice in this house!'

'Life! Give my conversation liiiife!'

"Watch out for Bernie...he's a man of few words but a lot of gestures."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'I'll be candid, Mr. Simmons. Yours is the worst case of sheer animal magnetism I've ever seen!'

'In dog years, I'm 49, but in internet chat room years, I'm only 21.'

Part two of the adult ed. class 'How to Impress Women.'

"You're not holding up your end of the conversation."

Wanna hang later? Yep. You meatheads are standing side-by-side texting! Why not just talk to each other?! Because: Your eyeballs are burned away from staring at your screens and you can't see actual reality!!!! I hear strange rhetorical noises. Put on your iPod LOUD and they'll go away.

Loudspeaker announces fans' derogatory chant.

"Darling, I realised that you didn't like your dinner by the third sheet."

"With Gloria, it's in one ear and out the mouth."

"You were wonderful at the Gardners' last night, Fred, when you turned on the charm."

'You'll never win that contest -- you've never said anything in fifty words or less.'

Chatterbox Podium

"I'm not doing this if you're just coming keep disagreeing with me."

My first name is 'sit' and my last name is 'stay'.'

"Stop randomly texting angry emojis, then put your phone down and your hands up."

Using its natural defences, the brown nose recluse, once again, escapes danger.