Channel Hopping Gifts

'Will you give me that-I want to see more than 30 seconds of 'Eastenders' for once!'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

T-Bones STEAK House...NO sissy salad bar!...Heimlich expert always on duty'

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

Today's special... donuts.

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

"Buy a man a six-pack, he drinks for a day. Teach him to brew, he drinks all his life."

Beer Stall

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

TV-Man

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"Well, at least it's an improvement from last night."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

The Rise of Modern Art

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

'Here comes your own personal weekly beer supply, Joe!'

Alien uses astronaut's visor as TV to watch news.

Traditional Ale - Traditional Drunk

I wish I'd had the review.

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

Just the one...

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Your meal sounded nice."