Chambers Humorist Gifts

Barrister returning to find his clerk not working

Moses on the web

Giraffe Selfie

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

"See, Og If mammoth foot ticklish, could me do this"

These species are only living off the coast of Southern California!

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Monk Prompt

How's my sermon. . .

'Even More Disciples'

'Why is it always me that has to put the cat out?'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

"...and in conclusion..."

Bishops Snooker

The Sleeping Congregation.

The ten ammendments

'Wine? Okay. I really don't care what you call it; let's invite over the two sisters from the cave next door.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

"The subaqueous qualities of the biomorphic forms spacially undermine the larger metaphorical resonance of the mark-making."

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

'His Trout Almondine Veal Cordon Blue in mushroom sauce was crudely seasoned.'

Applause

Delivery of Sermon within 30 minutes or your second one's FREE!

Very nice, but will it put mammoth meat on the table?

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

Bed Fellow

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

"Hallelujah!"

'Great escapism, Reverend!'

Ten business commandments, city trading floor