Beachcomber Humorist Gifts

'Fetch, boy...fetch...'

"No presents for you. I'd smash your face...only you're so skinny you might dry up and blow away."

"Great news! The bank has increased my line of credit."

These species are only living off the coast of Southern California!

"Sir, I look forward to receiving my holiday pay. Seventeen years."

"The line is busy, please try again later...."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Too crowded. Let's go."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

'Couldn't you just bring a bucket and spade like other children?'

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

'I don't care if it's hot, I won't go in the water!'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

Daughters on the beach

Crab with a clown face.

"If you hold it to your ear you can hear the ice caps melting."

"If you hold a shell to your ear you can hear the ocean..."

'It's true what they say, you really can hear the sea in these things!'

Hey, it's true, you really can hear the sea in these shells!

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

'There is no point in leaving civilization, because civilization will not leave you.'

'See you in two weeks!'

'the selling of seashells by the seashore was sluggish.'

Mermaid Art

A crab with a utility knife claw

"Well Earned Vacation"

'Good dog Spot. You're always there for me when the sand is hot.'