Beachcombers Gifts

The Desert Island Package

'It's annoying having to listen to a 30 second oil company apology before ocean sounds.'

"Trust me, the joy of having sand between your toes wears off after a while..."

Parasol Drop on Desert Island

Life Guard finds Oil.

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: 'It's got a message, Master. . .but I don't think we should touch it.'

'... and I approved this message.'

'Obviously you're not allowed to sunbathe on this beach.'

'You've got the wrong number, sir -- I don't know any 'Agent 99.''

Toilet vendor on a beach.

"Seein' as your family left you here in 1962 I'm thinkin' they won't be back."

"I didn't realize how much I needed to get away from that day-care grind."

Sunblock

"I can't wait to tell everyone back home that I own an island."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Check out the nice crawdads I have in the bait bucket, George.

Desert Island Meals.

"Too crowded. Let's go."

"This is going to make the most amazing driftwood table."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Once upon a midnight dreary / while I pondered weak and weary."

"Mom! Your cell phone’s ringing ... it’s Dad!"

"Remember that time you tried to kill me?"

Viking on beach with rubber ring shaped like viking ship.

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

Gone With the Wind: The Beach Blanket

'I don't care if it's hot, I won't go in the water!'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

Daughters on the beach

Crab with a clown face.

'It must be the dead sea.'

"And then, when I feel like a rum punch and breaded shrimp, I can just swim to Tony’s Trattoria."

"If you hold it to your ear you can hear the ice caps melting."