Ceramic Wizard T-Shirts

Instructional guide to scribbling

"Home depot."

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Newt sale

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

'Brian's saved us a small fortune...making all our own furniture!'

'Beer brewery? No, I wanted the witches brew! Damn GPS.'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"What a load of hocus-pocus!"

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

Book publishing.

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

Bird reading '1001 pickup lines' - 'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

Great Poets of Catalogdom

"Most projects require three hands."

"He spends hours waiting for his muse to strike..."

'Since Bubba acclimated to urban living, we've underbid our competitors because we don't need to build scaffolding or rent a crane.'

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.

'Ye gods, Will - art thou still monkeying about with that Ooh-ooh language?'

"Harold finds painting very therapeutic."

Death Watch

Jackson Pollock's early paint-by-numbers period.

Reality home-improvement show.

"Many editors take it improve their colons and semicolons."

Carpenter

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

"How's it going with the human cloning?"

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

Author discusses her next sensation novel