Crafting Wizard T-Shirts

"The Ten Commandments Do-It-Yourself Kit"

"Baldo, you're a very good artist! You should put your talent to use."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

"Still suffering from writer's block?"

"Your appendix is fine. It's your glossary I'm worried about."

'31 years in graphic design eh, so I shouldn't be surprised you've retouched your photo on your CV.'

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

'Beer brewery? No, I wanted the witches brew! Damn GPS.'

'Brian's saved us a small fortune...making all our own furniture!'

'I don't like to brag, but I'm the guy who coined the phrase, 'Honey, I'm Home'.'

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

Book publishing.

Bird reading '1001 pickup lines' - 'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

'It's called fire...it recycles wood.'

'We're looking for something that captures the zeitgeist of the nation...you know, the Great American Tweet.'

"I'm the ghost of woodshop past."

Great Poets of Catalogdom

"Most projects require three hands."

"That could've been ours. But noooo...You and your DIY."

Woodpecker carves David out of tree.

"He spends hours waiting for his muse to strike..."

'I'm telling you, I don't have a good feeling about this.'

'Since Bubba acclimated to urban living, we've underbid our competitors because we don't need to build scaffolding or rent a crane.'

Why you should never leave a sander alone in a locked room.

'It's worse than we thought... You've got termites.'

'Ye gods, Will - art thou still monkeying about with that Ooh-ooh language?'

Reality home-improvement show.

Members of the Luddite community carving computers from solid blocks of oak and maple

Death Watch

'Ingredients: 'pine, ash, walnut, nails, insulation materials of unknown origin and all-natural asphalt shingles.'

"Many editors take it improve their colons and semicolons."

Carpenter

"Eye of newt, wing of bat, blah blah blah, here's one I made earlier."