Cellular Nostalgist Gifts

'How long have we been dating? Let's see, we met when our phones were 2G...'

Lennon and McCartney.

"This next one's another oldie."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"We hardly ever intercept hard copy notes anymore, Stanley."

The Paper Route

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I'll never forget you."

"It's very sweet of you to visit him. Mr. Mainframe doen't get out much since the desktops came in."

"Cancel my landline...are you crazy?"

Art Garfunkel.

Neil Young

'This may be an old computer, but it won the March Madness office pool again and wants the money deposited in its Swiss bank account.'

'...tonights main feature is silent and in black and white.'

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

"I love the popping sounds on old vinyl LPs..."

"In my day I played a pretty mean cowbell."

'You said you wanted to start reading the newspaper online.'

'No fax paper? Ok, you'll have to ride for help.'

'Well yes, it is a Jurassic model...OK, I'll knock off two bucks.'

His master's voice

"Horton hears The Who!"

"Is that when you turn the juke box off?"

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

'Did I hear right - Bob Dylan's changin' his name back?'

"Can't believe you've still got an eight-track player in this thing."

His Master Voice Desert Island

'Walkman' 'Shuffle man'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

"Sure, e-mail is faster . . . but I miss biting the mailman!"

"Before I read about my summer vacation, I'd like to ask that all pagers, beepers, and cell phones be turned off."

'Rorschach multiple-choice test'

"He're the pitch; a sequel to 'Yesterday', but instead of The Beatles, it's The Carpenters. We'll call it 'Yesterday, Once More'."