Phone Nostalgist Gifts

"Okay, when was your last upgrade?"

"Oh great, the printer is down."

Phone. Oh, no! My Clark Kent clothes are gone! Secret Identity Theft.

"Cancel my landline...are you crazy?"

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

'No fax paper? Ok, you'll have to ride for help.'

'Well yes, it is a Jurassic model...OK, I'll knock off two bucks.'

'This is a prerecorded message. Thank you for rubbing me. Please state your name and your wish. I will get back to you as soon as possible.'

'Never mind what I'm wearing!'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

"Before I read about my summer vacation, I'd like to ask that all pagers, beepers, and cell phones be turned off."

Sell me your souls and I'll make all cell phones and computers go away."

'Your problem is that you're a Johnny Carson guy in a Jay Leno world.'

"Since he retired he misses his meetings."

"Do you like my four wheel drive?"

"You don't need your selfie stick...the booth takes selfies for you!"

5-6 pm: Unhappy hour - mourn the loss of jobs to apps, bots, drones.

'Y'know, I came here long before there was all that modern technology!'

'Scroll down, no sorry, scroll up...OK now scroll down again...'

Kid at front door with mobile. 'Hello Mrs. Howser. Can Jason come out to play?'

'I was apathetic when I was your age, too, but I didn't have an app for it.'

'My battery's out - I'll phone you from the museum.'

'I don't know what was more traumatic: cutting the umbilical cord or the land line.'

"I tell you, I remember when all this was protoplasm"

"Can I call you back, I'm in a bad place at the moment."

"I miss the old days, when everything was attached with wires."

Always leave the booth at the sound of the BEEEEEP!

"On a pencil, this is called an eraser, not the delete button."

'Hey, gotta run. I feel strange talking on my phone.'

"Most of you won't know what this is. It's a blackboard."

'In Memory of Fred Frimkin -- Born: Dow 147, Died: Dow 10,715'.

Sculpture of a telephone wire.

Endangered Species

Early phone sex lines - 'I'm lifting my petticoat...and there's my ankle!'

The Too-Much Information Age: 'Sure I've googled myself, not that it's any of your business...I mean who hasn't? But that's not what it was called when I was a kid...'