Celestial Conversations Fan Gifts

"I like to think that, in my own little way, I played a significant role in the overall advancement of human folly!"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

"And that little pinpoint of light? That’s our new baby."

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

Local News in Heaven

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

Oops! Maybe we better make the chicken first.

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

Angels Playing Frisbee with a Halo.

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

"I'm not unhappy, just surprised at all the other denominations that are here."

"So much for eternal rest."

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

'What's the wi-fi like?'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

'He made it big in the athlete prayer industry.'

You always keep the same face turned this way --- Don't you trust me?

When Euclid and Galileo get together they talk about parallel universes.

'I miss the evildoers.'

"The Lord has heard your prayers and has sent me to say unto you, shut up about it already."

"Astronomers say I don't have a 'dark' side. Tell that to my therapist."

The dark side of the moon

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

'Please hold for an eternity...'

'The trouble started when the world put together a large group of synchronized banks.'