Celestial Conversations Fan Gifts

"I like to think that, in my own little way, I played a significant role in the overall advancement of human folly!"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

"Unbelievable! A tick!"

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

"And that little pinpoint of light? That’s our new baby."

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

Local News in Heaven

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'

"So much for eternal rest."

Angels Playing Frisbee with a Halo.

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

"I'll have whatever they're having."

"I'm not unhappy, just surprised at all the other denominations that are here."

'What's the wi-fi like?'

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

'I miss the evildoers.'

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

'The trouble started when the world put together a large group of synchronized banks.'

'She loved me...'

"Astronomers say I don't have a 'dark' side. Tell that to my therapist."

The dark side of the moon

'Please hold for an eternity...'

'He made it big in the athlete prayer industry.'