Celestial Chitchatter Gifts

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

A man looks up at the earth

Local News in Heaven

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'I think that's always how it's been!'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

"I've been asked to dance on the head of a pin" "Yeah, you and an infinite number of others."

"So much for eternal rest."

New Years Reolutions

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"And on the eighth day, the Lord just puttered around..." "That cloud doesn't belong there. Did I do that? I'd better move it..."

Valuation of Heaven

"Why should I feel small? I've just been put in charge of the whole Eastern region."

The dark side of the moon

'Please hold for an eternity...'

'She loved me...'

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"