Celestial Chitchatter Gifts

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

A man looks up at the earth

Local News in Heaven

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

Oops! Maybe we better make the chicken first.

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'I think that's always how it's been!'

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

"So much for eternal rest."

"I've been asked to dance on the head of a pin" "Yeah, you and an infinite number of others."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

New Years Reolutions

'To become ONE with the Universe, you must first become COMPLIANT with the Universe!'

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"Why should I feel small? I've just been put in charge of the whole Eastern region."

When Euclid and Galileo get together they talk about parallel universes.

I have a higher escape velocity than you! It has nothing to do with being clingy!

You always keep the same face turned this way --- Don't you trust me?

The dark side of the moon

"And on the eighth day, the Lord just puttered around..." "That cloud doesn't belong there. Did I do that? I'd better move it..."

Valuation of Heaven