Celestial Chatterbox Gifts

I have a higher escape velocity than you! It has nothing to do with being clingy!

'A Capricorn, eh? I'm a Leo.'

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

'Humans are so considerate: They put perches like these for us on every one of their houses...'

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

The Mating Call of the Modern Youth

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"He'll only talk when his lawyer's present."

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

"It's nice to be wanted."

'I recorded this earlier today. . . they're his first intelligent words!'

'... and finally, before tip-off, let's all be courteous and turn off our cell phones.'

'That chap really knows his onions!'

"I can't believe this! All these filthy messages on your cell phone! And so many of them! What is it? 100? 500? 1,000?"

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

'Maybe the first couple of times, but believe me, the 'Are you following my Tweets' is no longer funny.'

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

'Since we modified your daughter's digital cellular structure, she's experienced a lot of ringing in her ears. If you need me to check her status, I'll be on call.'

"I can't even hear myself think now that everyone has a blog."

Social media messages

'How's it going, Rachel?'

Dog's hairdresser.

Every man and his dog gets to have an opinion on social media.

'I may be a smart phone but I am only used to send silly text messages.'

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

'Please hold for an eternity...'

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

"I am, of course, quite fit, or, if you prefer, quite extraordinarily fit, but I wouldn't say I was 'perfectly fit.'"

'Sorry, dad, I'm so busy chattin' with friends I just can't work.'

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

'I would appreciate it if you don't call out in class.'

'It's too LATE to show remorse!'