Celestial Chatter Gifts

"Can you believe English isn't the official language here?"

"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

'I must be reaching that age! I can't get my ozone layer up anymore!'

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

A man looks up at the earth

Local News in Heaven

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"It's a good show, but I'm pretty sure it's a limited series."

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

Oops! Maybe we better make the chicken first.

"This is a little embarrassing to admit, but everything that happens happens for no real reason."

'I think that's always how it's been!'

"Is it always so cloudy?"

"So much for eternal rest."

"Say what you like about Hell, at least they have solid floors."

'You needn't of bothered, it grows on trees up here.'

'Please don't encourage them: Stop trying to communicate with them...'

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

"I've been asked to dance on the head of a pin" "Yeah, you and an infinite number of others."

"I was in purgatory only briefly and they've been sending me email newsletters ever since."

New Years Reolutions

"Why should I feel small? I've just been put in charge of the whole Eastern region."

'She loved me...'

The dark side of the moon

I have a higher escape velocity than you! It has nothing to do with being clingy!

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

"And on the eighth day, the Lord just puttered around..." "That cloud doesn't belong there. Did I do that? I'd better move it..."

Valuation of Heaven