Celebrity Marriage Gifts

'She'll be back!!!'

A wedding cake with paparazzi on the first tier

'Do you swear to be faithless and hump everything with a pulse while she's not looking as long as you both need re-hab?'

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

Meanwhile in Hollywood

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

Jack Gleeson

The americanisation of vulture.

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

The Life and Times of Miley Cyrus

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

Little Red Riding Carpet

Tom Hanks

Vanna White: The Later Years.

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

Michael Jackson - Mission fulfilled.

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

George Clooney Machine

Prepare yourself, America. Dancing with the Stars is poised to present a new 12-week competition. And you'll never guess who's dancing now! Listen to the passion and fight in our newest celebrity dancer

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."