Celebration Comedians Pillows

'Ar ... to be sore, to be sore.' - Post St Patrick's Day.

Occu-Pie Mars

'He does.'

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'Very funny!'

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

'Mr. Whipple, what other qualifications do you have - apart from your quite excellent Donald Duck impression?'

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

Football Delivery

An early turning-point in old Hollywood...

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

"You're hired! We need someone like you to encourage humor in the workplace."

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd played catch with me more.'

Research indicates seven deadly sins are treatable with drugs,

Peace Negotiator now available for Weddings, Funerals, Christenings, Barmitzvah

"I don't even know when late night begins anymore."

'Today stocks acting 'funny peculiar' outnumbered 'funny ha-ha' stocks by a 2-1 margin.'

'I'm a jester -- my socks aren't supposed to match!'

"My client doesn't have to answer that."

The wedding.

'If anyone here objects to the marriage of these two men, speak up now because opponents are aging and dying off and soon won't matter anymore...'

Man on desert island under expired parking meter, meter maid in boat approaches.