Anniversary Comedians Pillows

'Hey, honey, remember when I told you to expect a big surprise on our anniversary? Well, I snuck off to go hunting with Cliff - SURPRISE!'

Occu-Pie Mars

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

An early turning-point in old Hollywood...

'Mr. Whipple, what other qualifications do you have - apart from your quite excellent Donald Duck impression?'

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

"Over the long haul, it's been a long haul."

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

"You're hired! We need someone like you to encourage humor in the workplace."

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

Research indicates seven deadly sins are treatable with drugs,

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

"I don't even know when late night begins anymore."

'I'm a jester -- my socks aren't supposed to match!'

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

'Today stocks acting 'funny peculiar' outnumbered 'funny ha-ha' stocks by a 2-1 margin.'

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

Man on desert island under expired parking meter, meter maid in boat approaches.

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."