Birthday Humorists Pillows

'Well, if you were on the verge of 100, I'd let you reach it.'

'Is it just me or do birthdays seem to come round much quicker now?'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"I'm here for the hair."

'ANYTHING to get down the ruddy boozer!'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

Once Again Jeff Had Put Too Much Helium In The Party Balloons.

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

A Real Pinata Surprise

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

"It's like every year my fear gets a little worse."

Big Birthday Boy Breakfast.

Happy Birthday!

'Oh, you nut! I thought we agreed we weren't going to make a big fuss over birthdays anymore.'

"It's my birthday. How about a free drink?"

"All I got was a cake and a card."

"Oops, I just ate Diane's birthday card and signed 'Happy 30th, girl!' on a donut."

'Medical researchers discovered that the leading cause of death by aging is due to birthdays.'

"He hit the big 60 today, and now he's just drooping around the house, convinced that he can hear his arteries hardening."

'Why can't he just blow out the candles like everyone else?'

Happy birthday to you!

"Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean you can beam back down to earth for a cheeseburger!"

Sixty

'I can't believe it - fifty years married and all I've ever been is Plan B!'

'Each candle represents a year of you remaining 35. . .'

"I'm afraid the writing is on the wall..."

"I hope that isn't crab cake."

Birthday Cakes for Dieters...

Dave wanted to make sure that he'd be able to blow out all the candles on his cake.

"I'm serious, I've never had to buy a belated birthday card."

'Congratulations! He hasn't got MRSA.'

'I wish I was still wearing size 32 underwear.'

'The Ghost of Birthday Present couldn't make it. I'm the Ghost of No Birthday Present.'