Birth Day Humorist Pillows

'Congratulations, it's a statistic.'

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"I'm here for the hair."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'ANYTHING to get down the ruddy boozer!'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

Once Again Jeff Had Put Too Much Helium In The Party Balloons.

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

A Real Pinata Surprise

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

We had to use my wife's pouch as a diaper bag.

"It's like every year my fear gets a little worse."

Big Birthday Boy Breakfast.

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

Happy Birthday!

'Oh, you nut! I thought we agreed we weren't going to make a big fuss over birthdays anymore.'

"He hit the big 60 today, and now he's just drooping around the house, convinced that he can hear his arteries hardening."

"All I got was a cake and a card."

"It's my birthday. How about a free drink?"

Great coaching is about knowing how to give and when to play feedback...

'Why can't he just blow out the candles like everyone else?'

Happy birthday to you!

"Which one is yours?"

Birthday Cakes for Dieters...

"Just because it's your birthday doesn't mean you can beam back down to earth for a cheeseburger!"

'Each candle represents a year of you remaining 35. . .'

"I hope that isn't crab cake."

"I'm afraid the writing is on the wall..."

Sixty

'I can't believe it - fifty years married and all I've ever been is Plan B!'

Dave wanted to make sure that he'd be able to blow out all the candles on his cake.

"I'm serious, I've never had to buy a belated birthday card."

'Congratulations! He hasn't got MRSA.'