Anniversary Humorist Pillows

'That's where you're wrong. I have bought you something really appropriate for our Golden Wedding anniversary...'

Congratulations on your Plutonium Anniversary

'I can't believe it - fifty years married and all I've ever been is Plan B!'

Middle-Age Superheroes

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

Once Again Jeff Had Put Too Much Helium In The Party Balloons.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

"This birthday qualified him to be tapped as a fossil fuel reserve."

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'This buggy gets only about one mile per gal.'

"We're celebrating our 25th anniversary, so separate checks."

"It's like every year my fear gets a little worse."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Big Birthday Boy Breakfast.

'I wish I could look just like Elvis.'

"Over the long haul, it's been a long haul."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

Gunswinger

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Soldier in medieval battle says: 'Oi, take it easy! This is an English Heritage site.'

Peace Negotiator now available for Weddings, Funerals, Christenings, Barmitzvah

Happy Birthday!

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."