Anniversary Comedians Gifts

'Hey, honey, remember when I told you to expect a big surprise on our anniversary? Well, I snuck off to go hunting with Cliff - SURPRISE!'

Occu-Pie Mars

They're Not Just That Into It

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

Woody Allen

The Porkypine Pals - Moon Business

" ... and if we finish pillaging early enough, we can still catch the evening Zumba class on the after deck."

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

'Mr. Whipple, what other qualifications do you have - apart from your quite excellent Donald Duck impression?'

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

Frank and Ernie's Classic Cars. '40s - '50s - '60s. Hi! Do you have any cars with fins in the back? Sorry, sir, nothing with Fins in the back -- but there are a couple with Norwegians in the trunk!

"I followed the money and it led me to Edgar."

An early turning-point in old Hollywood...

We would have come to you sooner, but he wouldn't ask for directions.

'My husband's first name? Heck, I don't know! I call him `wimp` since we met the first time'!

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

"Over the long haul, it's been a long haul."

Leftie Trump

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

"You're hired! We need someone like you to encourage humor in the workplace."

Research indicates seven deadly sins are treatable with drugs,

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

Man on desert island under expired parking meter, meter maid in boat approaches.

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

'I'm a jester -- my socks aren't supposed to match!'

It's "Wolverines Without Borders" ... They want you to perform classic Fusco material in developing countries where people don't have access to the comics.

"You have your emotional support animal and I have mine."

"I don't even know when late night begins anymore."

'Today stocks acting 'funny peculiar' outnumbered 'funny ha-ha' stocks by a 2-1 margin.'