Celebration Comedians Gifts

'Ar ... to be sore, to be sore.' - Post St Patrick's Day.

Occu-Pie Mars

They're Not Just That Into It

'He does.'

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

"Right now Arnold Schwarzenegger is doing sit-ups."

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

'Very funny!'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

The Porkypine Pals - Moon Business

"Galileo, I've had about enough of all your gravity experiments!"

Woody Allen

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

Football Delivery

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

Frank and Ernie's Classic Cars. '40s - '50s - '60s. Hi! Do you have any cars with fins in the back? Sorry, sir, nothing with Fins in the back -- but there are a couple with Norwegians in the trunk!

'Mr. Whipple, what other qualifications do you have - apart from your quite excellent Donald Duck impression?'

An early turning-point in old Hollywood...

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

'This wouldn't have happened if you'd played catch with me more.'

Leftie Trump

"You're hired! We need someone like you to encourage humor in the workplace."

"You're not supposed to throw tinned rice!"

Research indicates seven deadly sins are treatable with drugs,

Peace Negotiator now available for Weddings, Funerals, Christenings, Barmitzvah

Man on desert island under expired parking meter, meter maid in boat approaches.

It's "Wolverines Without Borders" ... They want you to perform classic Fusco material in developing countries where people don't have access to the comics.

"My client doesn't have to answer that."

'If anyone here objects to the marriage of these two men, speak up now because opponents are aging and dying off and soon won't matter anymore...'

The wedding.

'I'm a jester -- my socks aren't supposed to match!'

'Today stocks acting 'funny peculiar' outnumbered 'funny ha-ha' stocks by a 2-1 margin.'