Party Comedians Gifts

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

Occu-Pie Mars

"It was better before God took up knitting."

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

'Think about it guys: We're fed and sheltered, why would we ever think about leaving the nest?'

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

Their father would frequently have to barge in and pantomime to his kids that they were not being quiet enough as they pantomimed actual noisy children.

"I'm looking forward to the next thirty five years of her living with us."

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

"We're neither software nor hardware. We're your parents."

'Do you think Mum and Dad are trying to keep an eye on us, by enroling on the same university course as us, Colin?'

'Glue will wreak havoc on your arteries.'

"Our little girl has blossomed into quite the little complainer."

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

"My parents are members of a tiny cult that worships me."

'Mr. Whipple, what other qualifications do you have - apart from your quite excellent Donald Duck impression?'

An early turning-point in old Hollywood...

'You don't either have a date with Dora the Explorer!'

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"You're hired! We need someone like you to encourage humor in the workplace."