Cattle Countess Gifts

A centi-stampede.

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

Motorherd

'I think he's got a bad case of Bluetooth Disease.'

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"You're famous, Angus."

How Do You Like My Moseying Along?

'Someday, son, when I've gone to that big roundup in the sky all this will be yours.'

A cow ventriloquist.

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

How can you be so sure this is Farmer Phillip's Farm?

'We complete each other...'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'I used to love the wild abandon of the old stampedes.'

"Fast forward to the part where you herd me."

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

'Here comes the pimp.'

'Now tell me Mrs. Swartsbunt, can you pick out the guy who slaughtered your husband?'

Anyone seen my curling tongs?

Highland cow and Scottish bull fighter.

The cows' grocery list at the feed store was getting longer and longer.

"It's from the cows! They're home and want in!"

"Dunno which one of 'em did it, but we just got two stars on Rate Yer Driver."

Super Cow

...and this is you bedroom come dining room come kitchen come toilet!

"Fancy a game of Risk?"

"Tell us again how you took five thousand head out to Kansas City and made it back in time to pick up the kids from gymnastics."

'What the hell kind of veterinarian are you going to make...'

'Second rumenotomy on that danged cow this year, Doc....'

"It's amazing what you can buy online."

"Collapsed Udder Syndrome?"

'A cow is called 'productive livestock' because it gives milk. Parents are productive livestock, too, because they give pocket money.'

"Are we there yet?"

'The good news it the Biopsy was negative. The better news is my pants stay up like a dream now.'

'Give her the bill, she's the one who is sick.'