Cattle Caretaker Gifts

'Down a few volts yet Harry!'

'What the hell kind of veterinarian are you going to make...'

'I don't like these calf scour tablets!...

"Collapsed Udder Syndrome?"

'Now tell me Mrs. Swartsbunt, can you pick out the guy who slaughtered your husband?'

'I told you twice, it's an OB glove not a BO glove.

A cow ventriloquist.

"Foster failure"

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'Hi, Doc! I don't think I'm going to need you after all....'

Bathing the dog

"Watch out, Simone's hangry - her stomach AND her throat are growling."

'Hon, can you fill the dog's water dish?'

"Cheers mate, you've done me a solid."

A Dog's Food Pyramid.

'I think he's got a bad case of Bluetooth Disease.'

"Thank goodness for pet doors because the alarm on my piddle clock was about to ring on the rug."

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

"Old timers are quick to tell me that the drive to Abilene was different in their day."

Wild animal - 1,500 years later...

"In every situation, an executive has to decide whether to lead by consensus, charisma or cattle prod. Trust me... it's not always this easy!"

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

'You're hired as far as I'm concerned Edwin! And look at these guys?...They seem to really like you!...You're a natural!'

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

'Where did the little bird go?'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

"He wants a second opinion."

"I'm sixty three in human years and the mother of octuplets. Again."

'I've stopped him using the exercise bike...'

You thought YOU hated YOUR job?

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

"Your dinner's on the table and yours is under the table."

'Marmaduke, have you been drooling on my cookbooks again?'

'I think he remembers you, Doctor.'

The difference between cats and dogs.