Cattle Commentator Gifts

My mother was the one that pushed me into this business.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'Cool! Brownstar Wars!'

Motorherd

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

Dyslexic Cattle Ranch

Glasses on, Crazy Cowman's secret identity was safe

"In every situation, an executive has to decide whether to lead by consensus, charisma or cattle prod. Trust me... it's not always this easy!"

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

Ranch Dressing

"You can achieve anything if you put you mind to it."

"Oh God, yes! I've been a bad cow! Such a bad, naughty cow! Again! Yes!"

"Oh shut up."

'They must have really listened to their mothers about chewing their food.'

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."

"When I fall in love – It will be.... for heifer..."

"Congratulations you've escaped. Now what?"

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

Dog's Loo

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

Hedge of two moo cows

'Cows have bellies because their horns don't work.'

'This is the Polled Texas Longhorn - the breed of the future!'

'Can't understand all this fuss over cattle growth hormones.'

Cattle farmer's super-market

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

'Sure, they're invaders, but you have to agree: Those Vikings have great helmets!'

Prank Cattle Calls. (mmph)

One cow to another: 'We should look at rebranding.'

'Now, son - let's review. This is a cow! That was a bull!'

Keep the food coming! Three of my four stomachs are still empty

"Might I recommend the cud?"

'I think I've worked out why they fed us so well.'

"Moo-mooo-mooo-moo-mooo-mooo. . . And that was the moos with Dale Wisbey. . ."