Catholic Church Follower Gifts

Pope Benedict - Big Changes.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

Monk Prompt

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

Drive-thru Church

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

I am your BIGGEST fan!

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

Spiritual Lives Matter

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

'...and we used to grumble about not understanding archaic church language!'

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"The buck really stops with him."

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'...and another thing, Holy Father, do we call them the 'Falklands' or the 'Malvinas'?'

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

The Good Samaritan.

'Now that they've got a new Pope, there aren't any openings for old guys.'

Testing the water temperature in the font.

"But how many followers do you have?"

'Oh, oh! They're going to give it to us with both barrels!'

Pope Francis

Decisions a Pope makes

"...And forgive the congregation member who left their cell phone on and it rang during the sermon!"

'My husband does everything religiously except going to church.'