Catastrophe Commander T-Shirts

How's the wedding planning going? Oh no. Invitations late, caterer not booked, flowers all wrong, dressdoesn'tfitatall. Bride down! Hate the cake.

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

"I'm so good at this!"

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

Help! (Woman stuck on washing line).

"What the hell happened to this town?"

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

Paper Trail

"Please excuse the mess. We had a major paradigm shift."

'I think my husband's DIYed and gone to heaven.'

Repletion.

The End of the World is Nigh - man with placard

Venice Floods

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

Desk bins contain fires to be put out.

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about that?"

'Your task will be to save the castle from catapulted rocks.'

'There's an extra $25 in it for you if you can get the Silly Putty out of his hair.'

The missiles had failed....so it was down to Frank....and plan B.

'I know it doesn't look like much, but have you ever been shot in the face with a p****d off cat?'

The art of fishing.

Goldfish Insurance: " We must insure against a deluge of BIBLICAL proportions. . ."

It's folks like Mildred who make collectibles collectable!

Good News/Bad News: Crisis Control Center

"Uh-oh...I fear this means trouble at the stock exchange!"

Poetry Journal. Any good submissions over the internet? No -- Just the usual bloggerel.

Cluster Catastrophe

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

"The weatherman is always wrong. It'll probably end up being meteor showers."

"Wow, I did not see that coming."