Catalog Number Guru Gifts

Music Collector.

Domestic Superheroes!!

'But what is the universe for?'

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"If the economy's ground to a halt, we can help by carrying on shopping."

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Only One Item or Fewer.

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

"Careful! He knows computers."

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

"My God!!..Just how long have we had this Broccoli hiding in the back of the fridge?"

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

Unusual Offers

Trying to describe the size of the Big Bang.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

Try our new genetically engineered produce.

'I wish you would update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"We have to make massive cuts so we can reduce debt... which will cut into growth which is needed so we can make massive cuts..."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'I've got it written down...'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

'Astronomy I, Astronomy II, Astronomy III'

Self-Checkout.

Yes, dear, I remembered the coupons and saved a few dollars. The Adventures of Marriedman.

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

Low Hanging Fruit

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'Come back in two months the meaning of life can change, depending if the market is bullish or bearish.'