Two-wheeled Guru Gifts

'What is recycling?'

"I like going to school...and I like coming home from school. It's all the stuff in the middle that gives me trouble."

Drool Marks

The Fast Lane.

Touring Cyclist

'It's not meant to be a fold up bike, but the truck driver I held up for seven miles thought otherwise.'

A smiling cyclist

Mountain bikes and molehill bikes.

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Two wheels good, four wheels bad.

Rail travel - the environmental alternative (that sometimes doesn't allow bikes)

Bicycle Sidecar.

Biker chopper shopper

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

The Feng Shui of the road must be off.

Boy on a bike

Mad Cyclist Disease, the latest problem to plague cyclists.

"What an amazing view!"

'There's a lot of bugs in these parts, so I suggest you wear your helmet from here on out.'

"USA map"

Off to work.

'The upside is that it will guarantee you get laid, the downside is that there's a four year wait.'

Motorcyclist.

'Instead of teaching me useless tricks like rolling over and fetching, how about teaching me to ride that motorcycle of yours?'

'A bike this nice, I didn't think you'd mind me bathing it in your bathtub. Do you have an extra blanket, it'll be sleeping in our room.'

'This is goodbye, Goopta -- I've decided to make a career move to the Scientologists.'

Man on bike

Man falling off bike at finish line.

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"

Bicycle helmet for two.

'Mary tells me you own a motorcycle.'

'No, Mr. Flanagan,I didn't pull you over to harass you for being a biker...'

'All those years I rode those small bikes...well, as you can see, those days are over.'