Cat Therapists Gifts

"You were there. You saw how he tried to twist my words, like I was the one doing all the complaining. You have to admit he was acting like a baby..."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

"... And bless my dog, Penny, whose licks give me the strength to carry on."

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

Codepetdency Counseling: "He won't even sit on my lap anymore."

"Such a refreshing day...I've spent 18 hours between napping and comatose."

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"You won’t find a more effective antidepressant."

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

The Cat Spa

'I tried to organize a stampede, but everybody has their own agenda.'

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"Rescue someone; rescue yourself"

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

But it's the other leg that hurts.

'I really hate cleaning this thing.'

"It's nice to be wanted."

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

"Is listening to her talk about her feelings worth a tiny can of tuna?"

" ... then subtract 75 pounds for the cat ... "

"Have you got one that's a bit more pessimistic?"

"He never sniffs my butt anymore."

So You Finally Caught Your Tail

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

I hear you, man. Look, if you need anything, my door is always open.