Cat Lover Humorist Gifts

"Of course I'm a sociopath; what else did you expect? I'm a cat."

Biofelineism

Cat Reunion

"The painting and pillows were his idea. The scratches were mine."

"I only scratch up the furniture hoping they'll replace it with something more stylish."

"Projectile hairballing."

Cat holds sign which says - Will purr for food.

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

'Oh, this will be good! He just putted into a sand trap...our litter box.'

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

'Yeah, I'm a mouser.'

Cat laughs at 'Ameowsing Cat Jokes.'

Litter Box Logistics Ltd.

"I hate it..."

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

'Oh no! That's not litter! It's quicksand!!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

"GPS? In case we get lost? Why would we need that? We're microchipped."

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

Cat Lover's Leap.

"Each of my previous books had nine editions."

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

Man asks haughty looking cat: "And how, exactly, do you qualify as a spokesman for the feline community?"

'I want to talk about your efforts to increase sales, Robert.'

The Curiosity Mars rover is seen killing a cat: 'Mission accomplished.'

'Who did you have lick your hair?'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Balloon