Casual Relationships Pillows

"By breaking the seal on this dress, you accept the terms and conditions printed on my panties."

"I wasn't asking for all of the best years of her life-just a couple of good nights."

"Did you use a condom?"

Speed Dating for Turtles

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'She broke up with me because I'm a stray and, thus, always have fleas!'

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

"If at first you don't succeed, buy me another drink."

Valentine man in underpants.

Fini. That show was schmaltzy, way too sentimental. I'll never criticize anything that can be described as "cheesy"!

Tunnel of like

'Last night Gary put me in an impossible position.'

'Is it just me, or is it REALLY temperate in here?'

'There's nothing worth watching on TV, but he's not going to let a little thing like that stop him.'

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

"I'm glad you're not one of those sharks that has to swim all the time."

"She stood me up. I hosed off my Crocs for nothing."

Private thoughts of a television. I'd love the chance to ad lib just once!

"I woke up this morning with a pain in my neck. That her lying there?"

"I think you may need to start seeing me twice a week for a while."

'Actually I'm looking for a less meaningful relationship. I didn't understand the last one!'

"Thanks, but no thanks -- Valentines just lead to the hard stuff."

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

'I'm making pot pie.'

"I wasn't ghosting you I promise!"

"I told you I wouldn't forget our anniversary, darling."

"I know what you mean, Mary - after a while all the guys start to sound the same to me, too."

'At least I'm doing my part and getting out there!!'

Sleeping With Strange Men

"Moist towelette to cleanse your palate?"

"I try to be royal without being regal."