Casual Linguist Gifts

"This is amazing! Roughly translated, it says 'King Tut was here o.k.'"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'...Sometimes the sheer monotony of it all just gets me down.'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'Let there be cool.'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

The Schmoozy Reaper

Just a little heads up!

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

"I don't mind being wrong. That doesn't bother me at all! What bothers me is when other people know I'm wrong."

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

'This one is for not intervening in countries that don't threaten us.'

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

'I drink to bring about change.'

"Well, I finally found God. ... God is really good at Trivial Pursuit."

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."