Casual Linguist T-Shirts

"This is amazing! Roughly translated, it says 'King Tut was here o.k.'"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"I just haven't been feeling very omnipotent lately."

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'...Sometimes the sheer monotony of it all just gets me down.'

'Hold on, Bob. I'm downshifting.'

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

'You can't win - a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but ignorance is no excuse!'

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

"Dude, Amazon is so popular they named a river after it."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

'Let there be cool.'

The Schmoozy Reaper

Just a little heads up!

Actually, I prefer to think of my body as repurposed.

'Oh, no, those aren't the kid's drawings. Dave is taking adult education art class.'

"Oh, the usual - spreading pestilence and misery. You?"

'It's true that I never fulfilled my early promise of greatness, but I DID manage to catch a lot of really outstanding TV!'

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

"It's beginning to appear as if I'll never have greatness thrust upon me."

"I don't mind being wrong. That doesn't bother me at all! What bothers me is when other people know I'm wrong."

"Oh, just cellaring. You?"

'I drink to bring about change.'

'This one is for not intervening in countries that don't threaten us.'

'It's a doughnut - just eat it!'

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

"Well, I finally found God. ... God is really good at Trivial Pursuit."

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."