Castle Touring Gifts

"Nothing better than a cosy brazer on a grim, wintry wind-blasted mountain top guard post."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

"He's his own worst enemy."

"What the hell took so long?"

"Early model of baggage claim"

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

"This makes Pamplona seem like child's play."

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

Childrens Books. This pop-up book would make a great 3-D movie!

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

Oh, the armor is state of the art

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"His Excellency the Lord Premier Gooboy."

"Is 'family' friend of foe?"

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

Clearing the castle's moat.

"Never gonna give thou up -- Never gonna let thou down -- Never gonna run around and desert thouuuuuu."

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

"I have to pee!"

"Oh no! - Here comes the National Trust again!!"

"Today we're going to talk about lowering the drawbridge."

Fairytale prince and princess