Castle Tours Gifts

Castle drawbridge opens to reveal a dishwasher

Castle with parking lot.

"I was hoping they'd settle for a spot of graffiti!"

Knights ride out of a castle.

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

"He's his own worst enemy."

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

"Whosoever slays this dragon may marry the princess."

"Early model of baggage claim"

"What the hell took so long?"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

"This makes Pamplona seem like child's play."

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

"Is 'family' friend of foe?"

"His Excellency the Lord Premier Gooboy."

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

Clearing the castle's moat.

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

Fairytale prince and princess