Castaway Comedy Lovers Gifts

Uh-oh, it's a holiday card from the Millers

Children's Parties

Life is for the birds.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Lesser known greek gods,

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Well,he certainly has his father's nose!'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Move ten paces, turn, then fire. Ready?" "Dibs on the hat."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Romeo & Juliet & Ron

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

'I'd like my £2.50 back'

How Amazon was invented

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

A Golden Non-Retriever

"Well what does the GPS say?"

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

"My dang neck is killin' me again." "That's because you left your dang hanger in your coat. Again."