Castaway Comedy Fan Gifts

Day 267: After sending out that message in a bottle stating my location, I've been bombarded with junk mail.

Desert Island Game

"It's for you. You've got jury duty."

Quit saying 'entre nous'.

'Kick it to me! Kick it to me!'

'It's a VCR and fifty copies of 'Gilligan's Island -- the Movie'!'

'Wow! I hope I'm not hallucinating again... What vision of beauty stands before me?'

"Usually when a person is stranded on an island, they make a grass hut. Apparently, you're more resourceful than that."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Desert Island Meals.

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

A Fairytale Update

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Vlad the Impala

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'