Cash Withdrawal Wizard Gifts

'Thank you for picking me as your ATM machine...but before I dispense your money, here's a word from Ed's Bar & Grill...'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

The president's men

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

The Shrinking Dollar.

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Maybe clean out your wallet

'This is embarrassing. By MY calculations, the universe should have collapsed in on itself last Wednesday.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

"Have you been working out?"

Cartoon about having many investors for crowd funding.

Aggressive growth fund loses money shorting gold.

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

Saving for College.

"We balanced our budget this month!"

Once again overbudget and past dealine, the predatory boa constractor adroitly squeezes the life from its victim's wallet.