Money Wizard Gifts

The president's men

'We don't use the term 'chump change' sir.'

'You won't lose any more money. We're the first fund with a GPS tracking system.'

Mystical Marty's only problem with paying the rent was keeping the quarters from sticking together.

The Shrinking Dollar.

PAYMASTER, 'I'm sorry, Mr. Fergus, but your deductions won again this week.'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

Profit

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Girl does mathematical equation. Man says 'Tut! Teenagers today and their problems ...'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

'He's so rich, when he writes a cheque the bank bounces.'

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

Time Is Money

'It was bound to happen - they're beginning to think like binary computers.'

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

"Remember, money is only a tool - to make more money."

Calculation Board - You Are Here

Maybe clean out your wallet

'Add the numbers, divide by how many numbers you've added and there you have it-the average amount of minutes you sleep in class each day.'

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"There are the arts, the sciences, agriculture, and commerce. Stick with commerce, if you know what's good for you."

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"