Carrion Connoisseur Gifts

'Order somethin' else, Mae, today's prospector ain't quite dead yet.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

Bubbly

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

Ideas Ahead of their Time

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Burl says it only works with corn though if you want to try it.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

Apothecary. Tell us what ails you. We'll concoct a chemical mix to dissolve in water which will fix you. Every problem has solution!

The real reason why flamingos are pink

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

'Oh my! He finally proposed!'

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Corporate Greed.

"I don't know, maybe I'm just being mallowdramatic."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Bear luring the fish out of a ice hole.

"Don't tell anyone, but some of my best cartoons are about cats."