Carrion Connoisseur Gifts

'Order somethin' else, Mae, today's prospector ain't quite dead yet.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"The university said he was a climate change denier so remove the statue."

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

Bubbly

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

'Yes, can I help you?'

Ideas Ahead of their Time

'What was that?!' 'A 'Mach'-ing bird.'

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

'Burl says it only works with corn though if you want to try it.'

'What I like best about a magnum of Champagne is, it's a controlled portion.'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

The real reason why flamingos are pink

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

"I got a red card for not having enough fun!!"

'Oh my! He finally proposed!'

"I don't know, maybe I'm just being mallowdramatic."

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

Corporate Greed.

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"I don't think anyone will notice your ninty seven pound lime green lycra swimming trunks Terry."

"Don't tell anyone, but some of my best cartoons are about cats."