Career In Ministry Gifts

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

37 years in the same position.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Being the boss's yes-man used to be easier. Now you also have to 'like' him on facebook, follow him on Twitter, link with him on linked-in...'

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Night-time halo

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'