Children's Ministry Gifts

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

I like the Jets...I guess

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

Wildlife

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Santa Claus's Mail

12 O'clock was 'I'm a tractor time.'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

"Whales eat billions of tiny shrimp-like creatures called krill. The krill are free but whales spend a fortune on dental floss."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

'Chocolate milk, carrot cake,candied yams...see, there's a solution to everything!'

"We're playing doctor. Do you have any old magazines for our waiting room?"

"Look, a bug!"

"And this is our media room."

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

SALE

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

"That'll be five bucks."

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

"Mom probably wouldn't buy us one, but you have to learn to make your own choices, Dad."

"I have an imaginary friend called Fred, and my dad has one called Alexa."

"If you hold it to your ear you can hear the ice caps melting."